Beth the Hippopotamus

My ass is so fat, like really fat. All the birds are talking about it while they pick at me when they eat their lunch. I can hear Karen the Oxpecker already, "Can you believe how round Beth's ass has gotten? She is probably trying to get Boss’s attention. Well, either way more surface area for me to feed off!”

Trying to get Boss’s attention, are you serious? Just because Boss is the big hippo on campus down here at the Safari Park doesn’t mean my ass is growing to impress him. Those Oxpeckers are such gossipers I honestly can’t go a day down here without hearing some talk about some of the other girls around here. The other day when Karen and Jenny were feeding off my back I could have sworn I heard them talking about how Tracy and Leroy’s relationship was on the rocks. First off, everyone already knows that Tracy loves to swim with Leroy all day and night, so if their relationship is on the rocks than I’m an alligator.

I’m still annoyed about how big my ass has gotten. Why is it that when one lady starts to gain some weight in her behind carriage that everyone in the watering hole has to be so weird around me. As it so happens, I went over to the hole earlier today and I saw Bubba and Hector wink at me while I was drinking. All these men around here are so immature. I need to get the hell out of this enclosure.

Maybe to the great outdoors, or even better the beach! Oh, how beautiful would that be? Strolling through the sand, no one around to make fun of my butt. Maybe I could befriend a dolphin. I think that we could get along swimmingly. I’ve heard humans talk about the dolphin show here at the zoo all the time. They always have smiles on their faces and good things to say about how smart they are. I’m smart too, and I think a nice dolphin companion would do me good. They definitely wouldn’t make fun of my ass. They would focus on my brains, and how good of a swimmer I am even though I go much slower than they do.

Who am I kidding? Me, Beth the hippo, befriend a dolphin? Yeah right. Maybe I’ll flaunt my big butt in front of Boss. He could be my companion I’ll tell you that much.