Terry the Turtle

I'm thirty years old and I've done nothing with my life. I planned on breaking out of this zoo fifteen years ago, and I'm still only halfway there! Actually, I haven't even left my pond yet, but it's a work in progress. It’s not like I have a strong support system backing me up here. Jean and Lois haven’t even come out of their rock shelter to announce their engagement, it’s been at least five years and we’re still awaiting that.

It’s not that us turtles aren’t motivated; it’s just that we don’t have anyone giving us that “push” that we all need. We once had this frog living in our exhibit a couple of summers ago, and I’ll tell you something we got a lot done that year. I remember that I snuck out with a couple other guys and we raided the popcorn machines. I guess raid isn’t the right word, maybe more of a silently snacking. Wow, what a summer that was!

But one of the perks of being a turtle is the wisdom that one acquires through the long periods of time we take on doing things. It gives us quite a bit of time to think about life’s biggest questions. That whole story of the tortoise and the hare, well that’s bullshit! Slow and steady wins the race, yeah right! When did someone real who was slow ever win a race, name one instance. That’s right you can’t!

Another thing us turtles are great at is accepting life’s harsh realities. Maybe I’m bound to just hanging out in this little pond with eight of my cousins. I mean, it could have been much worse. I knew this bright fellow who lived here just about seven years ago whose fate was rather unfortunate. He ended up breaking out of the enclosure to find a nice grassy patch somewhere near the entrance of the zoo, and wound up being turned into turtle soup. How horrible to be reduced to a style of food that isn’t even satisfying. Poor mate. He was such a nice guy, when I think about it he was probably a pretty nice soup too.

Maybe I’ll just sit in my pond and take another fifteen years to plan out my new escape route, avoiding becoming soup at all costs!